Who knew? Who knew that Catholic nuns and bishops could crack wise about the church, tell dirty jokes, sing bawdy songs, and sneak drinks of whiskey? Maybe these things don’t happen in real life, but they sure as hell do in Bad Habits, Steve Mazur’s new play, which is now a holiday attraction at the Ruskin. As directed by Mike Reilly, Bad Habits (pun intended) mostly takes place in the convent of the Sisters of St. Cyril, in Philadelphia, where four nuns (Lee Garlington, Mouchette van Heldsdingen, Jacqueline Lorraine Schofield, and Jacquelynne Fontaine) are getting ready to put on the church’s annual Christmas pageant. An irreverent, cynical, foul-mouthed bunch, they are convinced that the pageant will be St. Cyril’s swansong, and they’re not exactly sorry about it. The convent is poor and in bad repair, and they are fed up with the antics of the brats they teach at the next-door elementary school. Shocked by their behavior is their Mother Superior (Alley Mills), who is fighting hard to keep St. Cyril going. She thinks it will be saved if the bishop (Orson Bean) can be persuaded to co-sign a bank loan. Problem is, the bishop, who is more stand-up comic than dedicated ecclesiastic, would just as soon see the convent fail so that he can replace it with a glitzy cathedral. While not cracking jokes, he lays out all the reasons why he won’t co-sign, though he does agree to come to the school pageant (where he intends to tell lots more jokes, of course). Bad Habits takes a new turn when a young girl suddenly shows up at the convent on the night of a terrible storm. Maria (Kelsey Griswold) is not only rain-drenched but extremely distraught, hysterical really. She passes out, but after being tended to by the nuns, she recovers and starts babbling about the visions she is seeing. Not only that, she begins to show signs of the stigmata, marks resembling the crucifixion wounds of Jesus. The nuns think she’s a nut-case and poke fun at her, but the Mother Superior sees Maria as a kind of bread ticket. If they can prove that a miracle is taking place at St Cyril’s, the bishop might just decide to save the convent. While this sub-plot is being worked out, the nuns carry on with their preparations for the pageant. That involves rehearsing their young charges in such a manner that the audience becomes the kids. Bossed around, teased unmercifully, made to come on stage and sing Christmas songs, we onlookers suddenly became a part of the play, with hilarious results. Equally funny is the resolution of the Mary—pardon me, Maria—story with its mock-religious overtones. Bad Habits may strain credulity at times, but without question it is one funny, laugh-filled play. My hat goes off to the playwright, director and cast—especially to Alley Mills and Orson Bean. Unlike most Hollywood stars, they happily appear in intimate-theater productions when they can, working for a tenth of what they can make in TV or films. They do this out of love for theater and theatergoers.
